A caregiver’s Thanksgiving: ringmaster, gatekeeper, pumpkin pie maker

The holidays look a lot different when you’re caring for a loved one with dementia. Let’s face it: it can be taxing at the best of times to listen to Aunt Joan’s political diatribes and listen — for the umpteenth year in a row — about how you could make your turkey juicier, all while being creepily started at by your cousin’s kid who somehow always has food stuck in the corner of his mouth.

Yes, Thanksgiving is a “magical” time, and now you have a loved one with dementia that you have to care for in the midst of this parade of well-meaning people who don’t understand the disease or how to respond to it. Here are some tips.

• Control the space: it can be difficult for someone with dementia to leave a comfortable space, especially if they’re going to be thrust into the middle of a circus. You decide: should everyone come to your loved one? Should you try to limit an overwhelming guest list? Should you avoid it altogether?

• Don’t apologize for your decisions. You are working to provide the best experience for your loved one, and you never have to say you’re sorry for that.

• Educate others: people who haven’t been around dementia may be nervous about what to say or do. They probably don’t understand the disease, or how to respond effectively. Think about sending an email beforehand letting people know what might happen and how to respond. The most important thing is not correcting or disagreeing with reality as the person with dementia sees it.

• Validate the heck out of everyone. When other people understand that you are hearing them, they will be more likely to hear you. (Remember the old saying that people don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care?) This means that you listen empathetically and allow others to feel heard. It does not mean that you apologize or surrender what you need. You might say something like, “I understand why you feel that way. I know you love mom, and I feel the same way about not having the usual celebration.” You acknowledged that their feelings are valid and important without caving in.

Check out the video below: it was produced by the Dementia Newsletter’s parent company, elumenEd, and is all about navigating the holidays as a caregiver of someone with dementia. It’s part one of a three part series, and you can check out the rest of them on the YouTube channel.

Scam Alert

It’s a tragic fact that we live in a world where a few rotten apples will take advantage of the most vulnerable people, including those with dementia. Here are a few cases that are in the news recently, and some preventative measures to keep our loved ones from experiencing the same fate.

Some recent cases of financial exploitation of people with dementia

• Scam case trial begins, 93-year-old woman is the alleged victim

• Man accused of deceiving 92-year-old with dementia into signing over his home, docs say

• He ran a yard work scam targeting elderly, vulnerable Wichitans. Now he’s going to prison

• Vile caregivers accused of using millionaire, 91, as a 'piggy bank' and leaving her in financial ruin

Awareness and Prevention to protect your loved one

• Minimizing the Risk of Scams for People Living with Dementia (Social Security Administration Blog)

• Beware of These Three Medicare Open Enrollment Scams (Kiplinger)

• How to Keep a Loved One With Cognitive Decline Safe From Scams (AARP)

• Scammers Still Prefer the Phone (AARP)

• The Top 5 Financial Scams Targeting Seniors (National Council on Aging)

Landmark study links loneliness to 31% increased risk for dementia

For many, the holidays can be a season where loneliness takes hold. While they’re a source of inspiration, joy, and love for so many, those who have experienced loss or grief may find those feelings exacerbated. Perhaps it’s a fitting time, then, for this important study to be released linking patterns of loneliness to an increased risk of developing dementia of up to 31%!

Articles on this new study:

• Loneliness can increase the risk for dementia, a large study shows

• Groundbreaking Study Reveals That Loneliness Increases Your Risk of Dementia by 31%

• Link Between Loneliness and Dementia Quantified

Coping strategies for combating loneliness

• What to Do When You’re Feeling Lonely

• How to combat loneliness this winter

• Everyone's lonely. Here's how we're coping with it.

• How Gratitude Changes You and Your Brain

Happy holidays?

If you’re a dementia caregiver, the holidays can be difficult. But they can also be joyous. Hopefully, the tips and news articles shared here provide you with ways to find safety, community, and hope.

Here’s a final article that made us smile: it’s about a man who put up Christmas decorations early this year because it brought joy to his wife who had Alzheimer’s disease. Now, when we say he put up decorations, it’s not just for his house — he decorated the front yards of the entire neighborhood!

• Indianola man lights up the holidays early for wife with Alzheimer’s

Good luck, caregiver, and happy holidays to you and yours.

Your friends,
The Dementia Newsletter