Need a Lift? (AKA, How I Keep Going When It’s Impossible to Keep Going)

It’s been a week for me. I’m sure some of you can relate. We all have our coping mechanisms, and one of mine is great literature. I wanted to share a couple texts, old and new, that have kept me moving forward this week.

When You’ve Only Got a Minute

• “Invictus” by William Ernest Henley. This short and defiant poem published in 1888 contains the famous lines “I am the master of my fate/I am the captain of my soul.” The title is Latin for “unconquered.”

• “Still I Rise” by Maya Angelou. Published in 1978, this is another short and powerful poem. After years of reading it over and over, I still get goosebumps every time.

If You Have More Time

• The Art of Possibility¹ by Rosamund Stone Zander and Benjamin Zander. A modern book about creating breakthroughs through finding possibility in the world where others cannot see it. I’ve been through this book many times and each time if lifts me up.

Do you have a recommendation for suggested reading, watching, or listening? Send it to [email protected] and if I pick your suggestion I’ll credit you in the Dementia Newsletter that week.

🪄 Ben’s Corner: Is Great Care the World’s best Magic Trick? 🪄 

This week, I have an unconventional idea that could revolutionize the way you and I think about redirecting our loved ones. I’m proposing we look to the greatest redirection experts in the world: stage magicians.

Now I’m not talking about Harry Potter-type fantasy magic. I want to learn from the magicians who control audience attention so masterfully that a whole arena of people never see the trick happen. If magicians can control attention on that scale, what can they teach us about working with the attention of the people we care for?

Below is a fun video of the famous Penn and Teller showing sleight-of-hand fundamentals. You don’t need to watch it for the article: it’s just a fun demonstration of the point if you like that sort of thing. 🧙‍♂️ 🧙 

As caregivers, we talk a lot about redirection. Magicians call it “misdirection.” This is when they move the attention of the audience to another place without the subject knowing it ever happened—and that gap in attention is where the magic lives!

Another term for misdirection that’s in use by the magical community is “attention management,” and that feels a lot like what we do when we’re managing behaviors and emotions with our loved ones.

Magicians use attention management for fun and amazement. For our loved ones, we use the attention shifts to calm their emotions, shift behaviors, and complete their care in a loving way. Let’s see what we can learn about enhancing our care with the help of the pooh-bahs of prestidigitation.

Magical Principles of Attention Management (or Misdirection):

You can use all of the attention management techniques that stage magicians use to create a magical experience for your loved one. Try them out! 

• Storytelling and crowd patter: tell a story, or ask for a story. When people are talking and engaged in a story, they are drawn into their imagination and out of the present circumstance.

  • Caregiver application: Can you use your “stagecraft” to engage your loved one in a topic that draws them away from their behavior. Pro tip: one way is to ask simple questions. As the person’s mind has to engage and respond, they may be drawn away from the original problem.

• Choreography: magicians plan a meticulous routine that directs the mind and eyes away from the secret.

  • Caregiver application: develop a regular routine that gives your loved one comfort. When a loved one feels upset, can you work them back into the well-worn grooves of that reassuring pattern?

• Changing audience emotions: when emotions shift, there is a momentary gap in awareness.

  • Caregiver application: When your loved one is upset, can you shift their emotion? Is there an old joke you can tell to make them laugh? Would a familiar song calm them? How do you shift their attention away from the source of the stress? If you can change their emotions, you may have a moment to change the focus of their attention.

•  Play for time: magicians allow time to pass between setting up the illusion and the big reveal at the end. They may talk to the audience for a minute or so to allow viewers time to forget the exact details of what they just saw. Simply allowing the passage of time will shift attention in subtle ways.

  • Caregiver application: What if you talked to your loved one for a minute or two, engaging them with questions not related to the original problem and listening to their answers? Then ask them about their answers. Keep it simple and don’t frustrate them. Draw the moment out and create a buffer of time between the problem and the present moment.

• Use positive attention: direct audience attention toward something positive and unrelated to anything that reminds them of the illusion.

  • Caregiver application: As your loved one shifts attention to focus on your positive input, the old issue may be crowded out. Remember that positive misdirection puts people at ease; however, if they are uncomfortable or nervous, they will be on high alert. Stay genuine, compassionate, and easy-going.

• Touch conditioning: pickpocket magicians use something called touch conditioning to move attention. Because they start their interaction with touches unrelated to the “theft,” the person grows used to being touched and doesn’t notice when their object is taken.

  • Caregiver application: You can use touch to move attention too. Hold the person’s hand or give a back rub. If a hug is appropriate, holding someone may help them shift their attention to the physical contact. If you pair this with conversation, you may shift their attention more effectively. “Do you like when I hold your hand?” “Am I hugging you too tightly?” “Do you like me to rub your neck, or would you prefer your shoulders?”

• Behavioral psychology: magicians study human behavior, and they practice relentlessly to hone and update their acts over time to take more and better advantage of the instinctual reactions of the audience.

  • Caregiver application: You know the rhythms, emotions, and triggers of your loved one better than anyone. How can you use that understanding of their psychology and patterns to anticipate and manage your loved one’s attention most effectively?

The quote above is from one of the top magicians in the world! I bet you feel that way too some of the time. I know I do. Sometimes I can pull off the magic trick of soothing my mom, and sometimes it’s a disaster. For me, however, thinking about care as magic has helped to retain a somewhat playful feeling in otherwise difficult moments. That alone has been worth “the price of admission” for me when I use this mindset.

To me, caregiving is a perpetual exercise in pulling the rabbit of compassion (is that a thing?) out of the hat while no one else is looking.

Take a good look at the concepts of misdirection above. Do you think you can use any of them to adapt your care to be smoother and more effective?

You use your powers for good, to soothe and comfort your loved one in a moment of need. That’s the very best trick! I think you earned your magic wand! You definitely earned the fun video clip below of pickpocket magician Apollo Robbins.

Top News of the Week

Flipping to the biggest dementia news stories of the week… It’s been a very contentious week in national news due to proposed deep cuts in funding for medical research. Here are some articles to put it in context.

National News in Dementia Research Funding

• President Trump’s Cuts to Medical Research [PDF] (NYT): these cuts are the source of a great deal of controversy—and no doubt the subject of many future legal battles—over funding of medical research, including research into dementia, in the US.

• NIH funding freeze stalls applications on $1.5 billion in medical research funds (NPR): $1.5 billion dollars of research funding is up in the air right now.

• Judge extends temporary block to huge cuts in National Institutes of Health research funding (AP): this court case may well go to the Supreme Court. Find out why.

• Alzheimer’s advocates push for local legislation as federal funding cuts loom (GBH News): the Alzheimer’s Association is already organizing efforts to maintain as much funding as possible.

Research and Treatment News

A few interesting reports were released this week regarding new drugs that have promise as well as older (and very common) drugs that we’re now finding may speed cognitive decline.

• Alzheimer's was taking her memory, so she started taking a new drug (NPR): We’re seeing results come back from the use of the new drug, Kisunla. What are patients reporting?

• Did a new Alzheimer's drug keep this patient's brain healthier for longer? (NPR) A similar report back on Leqembi, another drug approved by the FDA at about the same time as Kisunla.

• SSRIs May Speed Up Cognitive Decline (Neuroscience News): SSRIs are a medication in regular use by a considerable percentage of the US population. This includes Zoloft, Prozac, Lexapro, Celexis, and Paxil, If you use one of these, this article is a must-read.

• Nuns contribute 30 years of critical insight into dementia disorders (ScienceDaily): a truly unique study! It’s worth a read: have faith! 😇😀

Join a Community Built for Your Voice: The elumeNATION!

If I’m being honest, when I built The elumeNATION, I created the community that I needed as a caregiver: one that offers answers, validation, conversation, support, training, and expert help. Let me add one more thing: I needed it to be affordable.

I’m trying to grow this community, and I’d love for you to consider the benefits before you scroll on by. I know a lot of things compete for your attention, but I truly believe that if we can pull this off it will be a very special thing.

The price tag attached to it is only $3.99/month (with a 7-day no-cost trial so you can kick the tires a bit). What do you get each month for $3.99, you ask? A long list of deep discounts and exclusive features that are difficult to find anywhere for any price! (I know I’m biased, but I really do think it’s true.) Each month you get:

• A big ole’ can of scam repellent: Fraudsters and spammers thrive in free groups like those on Facebook. Between the small fee and my careful and constant moderation, this will be a secure and private space for all of us.

• Group-style discussions that are open to all. Ask a question and get feedback and answers from the group. Need to blow off some steam? We understand, and are here to listen. It’s a safe space for speaking candidly and sharing your journey.

• Hand-picked Dementia specialists are in the community, and they can speak to their areas of expertise and answer questions with authority to give you confidence in your care.

• I make a different premium course from the elumenEd library available for free every month, the value of which will exceed the price of the membership: my courses start at $6.99, so you’re already seeing at least $3 of upside.

• Exclusive videos and posts from yours truly that can’t be found anywhere else. I post more personal and candid videos there, talking about my experiences in dementia care and with my own loved ones.

• Members-only discounts on training and special access to live features and events.

• Suggest something I missed, and I’ll do my best to include it! Email [email protected].

Try The elumeNATION at no charge for a week. This month’s complementary training module is “Resisting Care.” Check it out and see if you like it. If you enjoy the training and the camaraderie, there’s a place for you at the table in this vibrant group dedicated to giving the very best care, sharing the best information, and leveraging the smartest people. Click the button below to give it a try!

Sneak Preview | Training in Development—“Taking the Keys: Managing the Hardest Conversation”

I started work this past week on managing (OK, surviving) one of the most difficult moments in caring for our loved ones: taking the car keys. This video gives you some ways to reflect on the loss through their eyes for a moment. For you, it may be a rational and obvious decision. For them, it is not so simple.

Shoutouts to last week’s donors! My thanks go out to…

• Jessica Q

• Zach L

• Brian C

• Linda G

• Mary M

About The Dementia Newsletter

1  I’m suggesting The Art of Possibility through the Amazon “affiliate” program. This did NOT affect the choice of this particular book. I can pick any book on Amazon as part of this program: The Art of Possibility is my pick for The Dementia Newsletter this week! If you pick up a copy of this book, buying it through the link above helps to support the newsletter. You pay the same price.