- The Dementia Newsletter, by elumenEd
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- Perseverance ≠ Passive: How to stick TO Caregiving without getting stuck!
Perseverance ≠ Passive: How to stick TO Caregiving without getting stuck!
Also in this edition: three ways to keep your brain sharp; does marriage increase your risk of dementia; is dementia affected by having ADHD; my thoughts on perseverance as a caregiver.
Ben Couch
March 29, 2025
In this edition: |
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• New Training Coming Soon: getting the car keys — a complete guide |
Coming (VERY) Soon: The Car Key Convo 🔑
Our Most Requested Module Is Almost Here!Are you seeing signs that it’s time for your loved one to stop driving? It’s one of the most difficult talks I had to have with my own mom, because it takes so much skill to navigate. This course teaches strategies that shift the narrative, promote dignity, and make room for positive outcomes. I walk you through every step of the path in this course, including making the difficult decisions leading up to it, setting the stage, the things you can do when all else fails, and how to bring yourself back to center afterward. This course is in the final stages of editing and will be out in the next week! Have this pro toolkit at your disposal. Click the button to get notified when it’s released. |  Walk through the entire conversation with me, start to finish. Lessons include:
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📰 The News Caregivers Need This Week 📰
ADHD May Raise Dementia Risk (Neuroscience News): if you live with ADHD like I do, this article will be of particular interest.
Surprising Findings From New Research About Dementia and Marriage (MedPage Today) [View as PDF]: this turns previous studies on their ears. The up side is that it might give stand-up comics a lot of material to work with!
Long-distance caregiving tips for helping loved ones (MSN): note that this is built as a slide show, so use the arrows next to the picture to navigate.
I do these 3 things every day to keep my brain sharp, says neurologist (CNBC): three simple practices to reduce your risk of dementia.
How to find the joy in caregiving (McKnights): this small study of caregivers in a long-term care setting uncovered three ways that joy connects with what they do on a daily basis.
Personal Stories of Caregiving:
My grandmother built her life around words. Now she’s losing them, one by one (Toronto Star): framed as a letter to her grandmother, this author’s narrative hits home for me. My mom was an editor, and she taught me more about reading and writing than anyone else in the world. Watching her lose that is so difficult.
First a daughter, then a caregiver (Lompoc Record): from a normal childhood to coping with a mom who had early-onset Alzheimer’s disease — read about how this author’s life changed dramatically.
A Whole Library of Resources:
Key Resources for the AARP National and State Family Caregiver Guides (AARP): The AARP has phenomenal resources for seniors and caregivers, and this particular page offers a spectacular array of guides and information. Highly recommended!
Ben’s Corner: Perseverance — Repair Your Net
When I say the word “perseverance,” I’m guessing most people actually think of something more like “endurance” of life’s trials and tribulations, passively allowing the difficulties of life to wash over us without complaint. Fortunately for us, that’s not a correct definition.
Perseverance comes from the Latin for steadfastness or constancy. If you have a steadfast or constant friend, do they just sit there passively and let you “friend” all over them? No, they are an active participant in building the friendship with you, 100% committed and adjusting to the vicissitudes of time and circumstance. Perseverance in this friendship is an active, constructive, and often joyful process.
So, how can we understand perseverance in terms of caregiving?
In Deng Ming-Dao’s book, 365 Tao: Daily Meditations, he has a chapter titled “Perseverance” that I’ll quote from:2
If a fisherman does not have a properly repaired net, then his trip is useless. Preparation is the major part of his endeavor. Only when the fisherman keeps his nets intact, keeps his boat repaired, and studies the conditions of fish and water does going out to fish become a mere formality. Then fish fall into his hands as if guided by invisible lines.
What kind of shape is your net in? Are there leaks in your boat?
Do you “repair your net” every day? That is perseverance: each day we patch and fix and build a little better when we can. We don’t just keep throwing out a broken net, stoically accepting our tragic and fish-less fate. We steadfastly hold to our craft, whether fishing or caregiving, by “repairing our net” daily and actively seeking a better path.3
We can see how a poor fisherman would eventually lose his whole livelihood casting out a broken net to the sea and wondering “where are the fish?” We might shake our heads and wonder what’s wrong with that silly person.
But how about us? Our “nets” are being constantly pulled and tugged as well. Do you have any broken lines in your net? Are you stressed? Do you need to schedule that doctor’s appointment you’ve been putting off? Are you making time to get ahead of your loved one’s dementia by researching, learning, and developing new skills before they’re needed, or is your net slowly breaking apart?
Perseverance is an active, adaptive, living commitment to yourself and your loved one.
Do just a little, every day, to keep yourself moving forward. Persevere in your self-care and keep your net ready for tomorrow’s haul.
If you want to try out my favorite ways to “repair my net,” check out my course called “Beyond Bubble Baths | The Radical Acceptance Revolution.” I’ve spent many years pulling together the tools and exercises that bring me peace in the midst of the storm, and you’ll learn my favorite ones in that module. They worked for me and I’m a pretty tough nut to crack! They can work for you too.
Caregiver Bookstore: The Best Books for You
The dementia classic every caregiver needs to own yesterday
The 36-Hour Day,1 by Nancy L. Mace and Peter V. Rabins. This is a classic in dementia care literature and has been considered “required reading” in the field for 40 years now. If you want to buy just one single book on helping your loved one with dementia, this is probably the book to get. It covers the causes, the stages, the care techniques, avoiding burnout, and virtually everything else you need to know. Highly recommended! |
🎉 Support the Cause 🎉
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Hi! I’m Ben, and I’m the author of this newsletter as well as a new book on Amazon: Creating Purposeful Engagement.
Caring for a loved one with dementia can feel overwhelming, especially when it comes to keeping them engaged in daily life. In my new book, Creating Purposeful Engagement, I’ll guide you through practical, reliable strategies to spark meaningful moments of connection—whether through conversation, activities, or shared experiences.
Learn how to confidently create these rewarding interactions and bring more joy to both your loved one’s life and your own. Available now on Amazon—click to get your copy today!
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I’ve been a dementia professional for over 20 years, but the fight against this disease has become much more personal for me as I am engaged in my mother’s journey with Alzheimer’s disease. I started The Dementia Newsletter as well as it’s parent company, elumenEd, to help caregivers, specifically home and family caregivers, gain access to the very best training and information available at an affordable price.
At The Dementia Newsletter, we’re dementia professionals but we’re not medical doctors or lawyers. The information provided is for general informational purposes only and should not be considered as medical or legal advice. Always consult with a qualified healthcare professional for medical diagnosis, treatment, or any health-related concerns and consult with a lawyer regarding any legal matters.
1 I’m suggesting books through the Amazon “affiliate” program. This did NOT affect the choice of any particular book. These are my top picks for The Dementia Newsletter this week! If you pick up a copy of a book through this program, buying it through the link above helps to support the newsletter, and you still pay the same price. Happy reading!
2 I tend to bring a lot of eastern texts to the table because I’ve been studying martial arts for over 40 years now, and I’ve had my own students for over 20 years. We have the same lessons in the west — it’s not like perseverance is new to you — but I think it’s useful to hear about the same ideas from a different cultural perspective from time to time. It helps us look at them with fresh eyes.
3 My mom would have called it “stick-to-itiveness”!
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