You Are at Risk

If you’re a family caregiver, you’re more at risk in many ways than the professionals. You may be attempting demanding physical tasks, often without help, like transferring your loved one. Even with extra help and a lot of training, professional caregivers are regularly injured. Then there are the financial struggles that you know all too well. Now pile on the emotional toll—guilt, shame, anger, fear, sadness—that you feel so much more acutely than the pros because of your personal connection and history with your loved one. The possibility of physical, mental, and emotional burnout is very real. Seriously, take a moment and consider all that you’ve got on your shoulders, Atlas. You’re pretty amazing.

Here’s the thing about “self-care”…

I want to make a big distinction here between standard self-help and true self-care practices. Self-help books are fine for people who are trying to make life a little better, learn new things, and grow who they are. However, that’s self-improvement, not self-care. As caregivers, we don’t need a yoga class or a bird watching group: we need to figure out how to survive today, right now.

The thing is, so few people — even the “gurus” — understand what “self-care” really is. They offer events and experiences. When your emotional state is dependent on whether or not your Tai Chi class meets today, you’re in trouble when it doesn’t.

The problem isn’t the activities themselves: they’re all fine things to do. The problem is our definition: we need to redefine self-care. It isn’t an event you can put on a calendar. It isn’t an activity that gives us a short-lived burst of relief from sadness, depression, and exhaustion (only to have it come crashing down again). If we want self-care that makes a real, long-term difference in our lives, it has to be hooked to skills we develop in our own minds and hearts.

If you’re in a place where you’d like some help, I’d like to share a couple online modules with you from the elumenEd playbook.

elumenEd Courses

The first crucial course I offer is a module called Caregiver Down | Requesting Backup. It’s all about crisis management: at the very moment when the world is positively exploding, this is the course that will get you through. There are fourteen different techniques for reclaiming your emotions right now.

When I say there are 14 techniques, I don’t mean that we’re going to talk about 14 visualizations of meadows, puppies, and feeling the sand between your toes on the beach. I’m talking about real, physical body hacks you can do to hotwire your parasympathetic nervous system—that’s the system that makes us calm down. When you use these skills, your body will force your better self back into the driver’s seat. This information is available for thousands of dollars in therapy (can confirm), or you could get it at elumenEd for $9.99.

The second “self-care” course I have is about the extended practice of radical acceptance. Radical acceptance is a crème de la crème concept in fields as far-ranging as psychology, addiction recovery, and spiritual practices. It means what it says: radically accepting everything about every situation without judgment, “should”s, or “why”s.

Hang on, I know what you’re thinking. Let me clarify: it doesn’t mean we approve of things as they are. It doesn’t mean we become passive blobs. Instead, when we see things clearly and accept what is, we can choose the best course of action to move forward. It isn’t easy at first, but it’s real and it works. It will take practice—the truly valuable skills never come easy—but the payoff is peace you’ll have to experience to believe.

If radical acceptance sounds intriguing, click here to check out Beyond Bubble Baths | The Radical Acceptance Revolution. I go into a lot more detail on what radical acceptance is, and what it isn’t. We’ll talk about new ways to shape our interactions in the world, and you’ll get steps to start putting radical acceptance into your daily routine right away. This course is also $9.99 at elumenEd. Click the link and check it out.

If you’d like to try both of these courses and get a good deal at the same time, get them together in a bundle (along with two other PDF guides) for just $14.99. Click on over to see elumenEd’s total “self-care” package: Course Bundle: Chaotic Composure | Self-care When You're On (or Over) the Edge

I’m putting these tools out in the world because they have gotten me through my own difficult moments in caregiving. I believe they can do the same for others who are struggling. My hope is to give you skills that will last a lifetime and peace that is available whenever you need it. Be well, caregiver.

~Ben Couch
Owner/Author

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